“If a girl likes you, she may not want you – that’s when she friendzones or uses you as a stop gap boyfriend…”The ‘Liked But Not Wanted’
Love story series is a daily series that captures the emotions people felt, and the motions they went through the first time they tried being in a relationship.
Have you ever felt the pain of loving someone and giving all you can, only to get rejected on the basis of your looks? The man on this edition of #Love Story series experienced it on his first ever attempt at loving and he says it has shaped his outlook on love and women forever
Can you remember the first person you had a crush on?
I know this would sound mad unconventional, but it was one of my distant cousins.
I know right. Relax. So the thing is; the line of relativity, if such word exists –
I think connection would be a better fit
Yeah. Thanks. The connection was so, so distant. Like, I can’t even trace it sef but yeah, we were like 7 or 8 then but I still remember vividly that I really liked her because she was always so nice to me in school and we would eat our meals together and then one day I told my mum that I would love to marry her and my mother yelled in amused shock before then explaining to me that I couldn’t marry family no matter how distant. Something like that.about:blank
So that was that about that
Exactly. That was that about that.
When was the first time you liked someone with whom family ties wasn’t an issue?
Man. I have some unwholesome stories bruh but I guess they all count. So there was this neighbor of ours who used to do stuff with me when I was 10. I would have said molest/assault but she was a kid too. I know she’s older than me by 3 years so she must have been 13 at the time. She’d get naked ask me to get naked then guide my penis to her vagina. It used to feel good so we snuck around a lot and this happened many times. Can’t say for how long exactly but until we left there, we used to really do a lot of that.
So she was the first girl you liked?
Oh yeah. She was the first person I really liked in that sense and I don’t know if it was the sex. I was in JSS 1 and she was in JSS3. I remember because we went to the same secondary school.
So this is not the kinda stories I hear when I ask people about the first person they liked, liked
LMAO. I guess not.
So let’s track back a little. What was the dynamic of that – for lack of a better word – relationship?
Oh I don’t think it was a relationship sha. But I liked it at the time. We would be playing in their house, in our house, somehow we always found ways to sneak around and do it. We were doing it with other kids around and other people in the house, I don’t even know how we never got caught. At the beginning it was her initiating it but I caught on so I was pretty into it myself, to be fair. Only now that I am old have I realised that maybe it wasn’t the best thing for me to be experiencing at that age. Anyway, I don’t hold her to blame. She was 13, a kid like me. Maybe the old people around her should have been a little more cautious exposing her to stuff like that.
I feel you. Let’s move forward to when you fell in love for the first time
So the first time I fell in love, I was in SS3. And it was with the finest girl in SS2. Omo, that girl used me to catch cruise gan sha. But eventually, just as WAEC was about to start, the thing clicked. So most of the relationship was from between when I left secondary school to when I left for UNI.
How long was this?
Say one year or so.
Tell me about that one year. Like, give me highlights
LMAO. I was such a sappy bastard. I wrote a lot of text messages from those silly books they used to sell back then, I would go to the school to walk her home several times. It was a good thing that I was popular when I was in school and many teachers liked me so I could get into the school few times, help the teachers with little stuff, while seeing her on the side. I’d buy her food, sweets and other secondary school staples. I even bumped her scores one time when I helped one teacher mark.
LMAOOOO. Things we do for love
You can say that again.
What now happened to you people?
Ah. We broke up na. Apart from the fact that I was jealous and insecure because I heard that one fine boy in her class was cozying up to her [that boy was so fine ehn. I’m not bad myself but forget] –
Lmao. Even you sef know
Omo, I know. But that was not even the worst thing that happened to us. One wicked teacher went and told her parents about us. And that she used to come to my house every day before going home.
You get?! That was it for us bruh.
But did she use to follow you home though?
Lol. Maybe once or twice sha but it was brief and nothing even happened honestly. I think once she came to collect a gift I got her, and the other because she needed an old textbook.
So that report was how you broke up?
It would have been nice if her mother didn’t come to my mother as a woman
I kid you not. She didn’t come with fight sha. My mum didn’t even sound pissed when she was telling me to leave the girl so I am sure the girl’s mum must have been diplomatic with the conversation. But there was a conversation with my mum sha, and the essence of it was that I should leave the girl alone to focus on important things.
And that was it
That was it.
How did y’all take this?
I think we were calm as we could be. We still saw each other a few times, kissed and made out. Her idea. She said she wanted to give me a parting gift.
Love to see it. Has any relationship lesson, hack or anything stuck with you since then?
Let me see. I think it is that girls always know who they want. She may like you but that could be when she has not seen who she wants. The trick is to beg God that the girl you want should not just like you. She should want you, too.
Explain that, please?
So, for me, I think women like some guys but want some guys. If a girl likes you, she may not want you – that’s when she friendzones you or uses you as a stopgap boyfriend till the one she wants comes along. The ones that they want are the ones they choose to date/marry. That babe liked me, but she wanted that boy in her class. I was nice to her and was cool to be with, but I wasn’t who she wanted. They always end up with who they want. If they don’t, they always live with who they like, full of regrets.
See code. And this has worked for you till date?
All the time. It helps me to not invest too much hope in babes who just like me for my personality. And there are many of them like that. Knowing this keeps me sane.
You are older and wiser now of course. Knowing what you know now, what would you have done differently?
Nothing. I think that part of my life was a journey that needed to end the way it ended.
What’s the last you heard of her?
She married that boy from her class
Ah. I see. That explains your theory
Lmao in a way. They were not dating since secondary school till they got married o. It wasn’t that straightforward. I think they met sometime after uni and rekindled what they had, according to what I heard from a secondary school friend.
If you could go back in time, what would you change about yourself?
I’d be more sensitive and remove myself from where I’m not wanted a lot quicker. I’ve mastered that skill now.
How many people have you been with since then?
I’ve had several entanglements o. But the relationships I have given a try since then? 6.
Are you currently seeing anyone now?
No. Giving myself a break from women abeg.
How old are you now sef?
Any secret you hid from that your first love then?
When she told me she wanted us to make out as a parting gift, I played it so cool that she thought I wasn’t interested but I couldn’t sleep the night before. Bruh, excitement wan kill me!